felt me.. be me.

im so tired..
i was on my way to amk mrt station to meet some friends
den i was msging randall to ask if he reach le.
actually wanna type "daddy, you reach le mar ?"
instead, what came out was "darling, you reach le mar? "
den i send le =.="
im fucking stupid LOLSS-
den when i went to check what i've sent i saw it's DARLING instead of DADDY
i was like SHOCKED AAHHHH ! i almost fainted ITS SO EMBARASSING CANS?!
DAMN. horrible mistake hahas
i kinda miss typing darling , darling .. , darling ...
lolss. im being horribly lovesick. eeww.
okays, im nuts.


den everyone before everyone reach
me, pauline, flor, weisan, rach went into cheers to hide
cos it was SUPER WARM CAN !
den went in le hehehe
den we wanted to buy some alcoholic drinks mar
den we were deciding we to go and pay
den they were like .. fidel go la go la
T-T i look so old meh.. sobs, sobs.
WAHAHAS-
(the cashier didn't even bother to check my ic or whatever)


den afterthat we went to chan's hse le lor
it was kinda funny leh, one group of people playing majong
another group of us playing cards, another group playing xbox and PS2
wahh, chan say the PS2 he borrow from he's dad de.
HE'S DAD SO HIP ARHH ! =x
den afterthat we starting drinking.. den everyone like..
face red red neck red red le lolss


hehe i left at about 2.15 den left for town to look for my crabies le
:) i love my gwenie !
she's so sweet hehe heard about my breakup with him
den she very sweet lor hahas
den that tg & balls IDIOT PIGGIES !!
kidnapped our handbags den both run all over far east den made us chase after them
waliew, its super paisehs.
den gwen started talking about weixin
=.= can't stand.. den say she feel that there's attraction btw the both of us
then i like.. nothing to say..
den the worst part ahlarmak..
she went asking all of them the same qn,
and they all say yeah yeah..
and i feel SO PAISEHS !
hahas but she's still really sweet okays !
hahas cos balls and tg was laughing at my ic
they say my ic photo look like majiam insurance promoter sobsobs.
hahas den she said tg one worst, like criminal refugee
hahahas den shiya, so scary.. >.<


i dunno i dunno i dunno ~~
lalala. the way he told me that it's pointless blah blah.
i guess it's really over.
it's over? really over?
really really over? is it over?
point me, im fucking stupid. LOVESICK.
i really dunno what im waiting for.
hahas i feel myself starting to drift back, back and back and back
i tell myself im not weak, who needs a guy who don't care
but so what. i still feel weak.
blah whatever. i dunno what im talking about also
i miss that him..


i went to sentosa last night
and we went to the beach
we're playing candles
and im so lonely-
char got grace, pam got de victor
fidel got nobody.
im nobody, fidel got fidel whatever.
OKAYS IM CRAPPING.
we were playing with candle hehe
i made a heart with the candles
den mycandles keep going off and i keep burning myself T-T
okay, im so childish fine.


den i sat there .. and listen to mp3
i was playing "zai yi ci yong you"
den i was drawing he's name on the sand "yu zhi yu zhi" in chinese
den i started crying ..
drip drip drip.. i continued crying unnoticed.
den suddenly jiejie turn over " SHIWEN ! AIYOH ! "
okays, is this stupid ? or lovesick ?


and i burned my hands so many times
and wax keep dripping on my hands.. so painful
go home my hands red red le.. burned.
nobody to sayang me. nobody to hug me. nobody to hold me tight.

have i ever felt you.. be you ? really?

-den have you ever felt me.. be me ?

its over its over it's over
i cant imagine how much tears i've shed
this morning i woke up with my eyes both swollen, terrible

i guess the feeling's not there anymore
its true i don't even have the "lian ai" de feeling there anymore
most of the time i feel pain
think of it guess it's me being stupid
why did i even go back to him and trust him
throw myself back into he's arms so willingly
when i know i'd get hurt, again
haa. dumb

i guess, i don't even love him
zhi shi, zai ze li sha sha de deng dai yi qian de ta.
only, im just being stubborn and waiting for the old him to come back
he who wonld never hurt me, thinking of all sorts of ways to make me happy
make me feel so loved, who spent so much happy times with me
make me feel so peaceful and relaxed, is gone

i realise, i haven been truthful to myself all this while
for this eight months, i've just been lying to myself
that he'd be back for me one day
and i just kept waiting for that sake of the man i loved
but now when i look at him,
i don't really know this man
he's just somebody i thought he was
they say, im just too naive.
it's time i get over this and open my eyes real big
that.. he's NOT the one anymore
he's Not my perfect lover anymore
everything'sOVER, he's not coming back

one good thing about not being leon lim's gf anymore is:
THERE'S NO NEED TO CARE ABOUT WHATEVER RUBBISHIE IMAGE ANYMORE!!!
IM GONNA BE THAT CRAZY SOT FIDEL AGAIN AGAIN AND AGAIN !
hahas, im gonna laugh like mad like i used to
wahahas-

I WANNA BUY A NEW PHONE !
http://www.nokia.com.sg/nokia/0,,76802,00.html
guys, please help me
take alook at the website and comment on it
tell me if i shd get it okies ? ITS 3G ! lolss.

okies. today monring darling come my house pei me hehe
so sweet baobao
cook for darling simple simple de
yet darling so happy
so sweet =) so long didnt like that le
darling treat me so good.. abit scared..

hehe den after that i went tp with jeline, janice and yuyan
I WANNA GET INTO TOURISM & HOSPITALITY !! MUST !!
GAMBATTEH ! hehe

DARLING WO AI NI ! =)

wahh.. so tired hehe
yesterday meet darling worh
actually wanted to go swimming de
but in the end didnt go
cos it was raining
so we ended up walking to hougang point
it was super sweet:) superDUPER sweet
den we bumped in to xiaoming, jeline, yiqian
then we were like OMG how come your here lolss
den after saying goodbye to them
i told darling " darling , that one is shaoming lor "
den he like " ya.. you say somemore, i wanna beat him up le "
wahh.. so man arhh. AWW hehe my cute cute jealous de darling MUACKS !
lolss. den i heard from jeline today,
that when shaoming saw leon ytd
he told jel " wahh.. i thought leon wanna come and beat me.."
LOLSS. den we went to buy some vcds den went to he's house watch le lor

den today school school school.
so sleepy
after school went roller blading with xiaoming jeline and yiqian !
so fun hehe
super funny lor, yiqian say "when fidel going to fall down she will give signal de,
she will go AAHHH !!! " den PIAK on the floor lolss.

listening to : kiss goodbye by wang leehom

i love that song, reminds me of sth sweet :)
really sweet. that strong shoulder willingly to be there for me to lean my head on
holding me tightly, all my frustration gone felt so relaxed and loved.

i've been thinking alot..
really alot whether i still love him or not
or could it be just our beautiful memory hanging on to the thinest thread of our relationship
that makes me like that ?
trust him again ? cherish him ? be the fidelis i were all over again ?
is this relationship worth it ?

well, DOCTOR ngeesong lolss.
told me, trust him & have faith in him or else there's no point hanging on.

DEN, DOCTOR brandon told me
" maybe you don't like him no more le ? if you really like him, den you gotta trust. but if not ? den too bad for him.. who ask him that time don't wanna be faithful to you ? "

TRUST. i'll have faith with him, at least.. i'll will try my best?
DARLING ! I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU !

hahas den, i was talking to *someone* can't say who, in case she sees.
hmm. he keep tell me he very sian he very sian
den i told him,

fidel : " go sleep lor, tmr still got sch worh"

someone : cannot lah

fidel : why ? sian den cannot sleep de meh ?

someone : cause i'm waiting for someone to come online

fidel : aiyo she dont need to sleep on har ?

someone : hais, then i'll still wait lorh. in case she cannot sleep then come online how ?

fidel : hahas, wahh. so sweet lehh.. she so xinfu.

someone : hais, as if she cares. sad la, waiting for something that will never happen.

fidel : aiyoh den call her lor ?

someone : don't want lah, later she still sleeping how ?


so sweet right ?
like, watching over her quietly.
i wonder if it'll ever happen to me
so loved. like he's so.. there for her anytime

poor jeline arhh. hahas i was trying to "curl" jeline's hair for her
den suddenly xiaoming just "POP" out and start yelling i wanna curl it for her i wanna try i wanna try ! den i like =.=" oh no... jeline..
hahas den i dyed xiaoming and jeline's hair black for them
well cos the three of ud got caught for dyed hair >.<
but why the both of them so guai !!

one day before sixteen months together:)

we went to watch wallace and gromit ! hehe. we're so kiddie BUT I LOVE IT !

STRANGERS NO MORE '05 camp photo , see me and gwen ? SO SWEET RIGHT ! lolss.

so sleepy.. last night sleep at erm 3am den woke up at 7plus go bath den lie in bed read magazine. DEN ! finally darling called ! hehehe. at about 840am, darling come and pei me nehh..
we were so sweet:) hughugs! so sweet pei me so long.
darling jiayou for exams ! STUDY STUDY STUDY ! GAMBATTEH !
i also pei you study together okie ! muacks >3<

den afterdat den darling went to andrew's house study le
i went to perm my hair SSHHH ! SOMEBODY dunno yet ! *grins*

hehe
new year's eve !
fidel's alright lerhs, YEPPIEX !
hehe today wake up at 8 plus den go bath den went to darling'g hse le
naughty darling, study don't study play play play *ARBISH!*

my plant grow up lerh ! hahas superduper cute right ?
then after that me and darling went to town with amy, weijian
i love the cheese and wine baked escargots !
then we went to watch that charlene wong's movie
watched le den forgot what is it about le
no story like de, funny la but hmm.. not my type of movies i'd like
piggieback me! =DDD


in the cabby:) lying on darling's lap aww~